Kick One Thing

I realize this is a little different concept than Pick One Thing. If you've read anything I've ever written about NOT making New Year Resolutions, then you might even say this is contradictory to my previously touted philosophy. I've been saying for years we should evolve instead of resolve each year. We should become a better/happier/more knowledgeable/more capable version of ourselves instead of setting ourselves up for what often ends up being failure. I feel that way because a resolution isn't fluid, it tends to exist outside of you, it doesn't necessarily grow you. Instead of resolving to do this or that, or to stop doing this or that, you can make a goal of growth or revision or refinement. That helps you evolve.

So, kicking a habit seems a lot like a resolution. It can be, but in this case, it's not. Remember, we're talking about ridding one's lifestyle from a dominant vice. When we were last reviewing the subject, we learned that a major vice hurts you or takes away from your other priorities. Biting your nails is a habit you might like to kick. If you aspire to be a hand model, then it's probably an Alpha Vice.

If we're going to oust our Alpha Vice, it does involve kicking a habit, yes--but it's more than that. When you kick a habit, the process is usually one that requires awareness and dedication to the cause; the consequences are usually some sort of withdrawal, plus feelings of loss or even fear of change. When you challenge and replace your Alpha Vice, the process demands you stand up for yourself and fight for your best interests. The consequences mean you'll think, act and live differently. Your consequences will all end up tremendous and positive, though. Because the coup returns so much to you, including power you gave to your Alpha Vice.

Whether it's sugar or fast food or chocolate or junk food...smokes or booze or some other drug you feel you can chase out of town without professional intervention...shopping or cheating or tanning or plastic surgery or insecurities or perfectionism or sitting on your butt too much of each day...whatever it is, if you want it gone, it might not easy, but here are some excellent methods to help you overthrow the choices you have made that have overstayed their welcome or overstepped your originally intended boundaries.

1. Find the emotion in your reason for doing this, now. It won't work unless you believe it's worth it--not just in your head but in your heart. Human behavior tends to boil down to two motivators: avoiding pain and gaining pleasure. What is the pain today, and/or what will it be as time goes on, in your Alpha Vice behavior? What pleasure will be yours when it changes? What will you gain that could literally choke you up? More years with your children? Money to enjoy a special activity you once loved but had to give up?

What pain will you remove? The stigma attached to your vice and thus to you? The sickness of hiding something away from those you love? Hours of wasted time each week?

2. Don't do it alone. So many people don't tell others when they embark on a personal journey to leave something behind. I recommend you tell EVERYONE. Don't be sorry, just be true. Family first, including kids and spouse and siblings and even your parents. Everyone at work, at school, at church, and the neighbors, too. Invest a little bit of every single one of your interactions and relationships into your quest. Bring everyone with you--not just for support and not just for watchdog accountability, but also for true lifestyle change.

People in your environment are a big part of your environment. All around you, you should see, hear and feel your new version of yourself (sans Alpha Vice) reflected. You'll also get help. Possibly even annoyed. Oh well. It won't be annoying anymore once you get to a certain new stage. The one where the former vice has faded and simply isn't all that much of a hot topic.

3. Add desirable new behaviors to replace the old. And if a new Alpha rises to power, it should not be a vice. It should be a grace. When you add to your graces and charms, it makes the things you did before that weren't good for you seem so much less appealing now.

4. Identify and address triggers. What sets you off? Avoiding triggers isn't always possible, but expecting them and knowing what works for you at those times is very helpful. A journal can be useful in the identification process. Practice may be needed to learn what works for you when presented with a wooing from your Alpha Vice. If you do succumb to a trigger, you need to remember that it only means you learned something: what not to do. Good for you. Now carry on. Recover and shine.

5. Impose conflicting new behaviors on yourself to compete with your former controlling vice. This can be anything from going for a quick jog to see your friend instead of smoking, to eating a pickle instead of the daily donut at work, or brushing your teeth instead of lecturing your kid.

6. Reward yourself and make it good. Ousting the Alpha Vice is hard work. You'll reap plenty from what you sow, but an extra nudge along the way can work wonders. Each week you keep the vice at bay could buy you a new book or CD, or take you out to breakfast with the kids on the weekend, or earn you a hot bath with no interruptions. Each month, make it bigger. At the end of 3 months, boy oh boy, you deserve sumthin' real good. Spa day? New tree for the yard? New outfit, with accessories to match? It's up to you.

7. Know when you need more help. This is important. If you struggle with addiction, or have been self-sabotaging for the long term, or are dealing with psychological or personality disorder, or anything that you just can't get rid of on your own (so far) please get professional help! How do you know that's what you need? No reward seems great enough, nothing seems strong enough to combat your attachment and attraction, triggers are everywhere and you can't escape them, no new behavior can compete with the ruling power, or you have no support and no accountability and no one you feel you can tell.

You choose your life. If your life can move forward without some big vice that's holding you back, imagine how freeing that is. Imagine how your relationships--with yourself and others--can deepen and grow. Imagine how much pain you'll avoid and how much pleasure you'll gain. Imagine how great you will feel and how refreshing that will be. If you go ahead and give up One Thing, the very best thing you have to Kick from now on, is simply your own butt.